I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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