So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize