Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(216): View more from Ohio

I don't usually arrange sex via text message

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(216): I don't usually arrange sex via text message http://tfl.nu/akrs

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(619): View more from California

I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.

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(619): I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong. http://tfl.nu/qtfu

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(917): View more from New York City

Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day

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(917): Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day http://tfl.nu/w2yk

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(630): View more from Illinois

the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.

(630): View more from Illinois

just thought you should know her name is kristen

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(630): the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me. (630): just thought you should know her name is kristen http://tfl.nu/a2dg

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(765): View more from Indiana

just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters

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(765): just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters http://tfl.nu/51nh

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(817): View more from Texas

he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.

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(817): he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup. http://tfl.nu/cgag

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(859): View more from Kentucky

How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?

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(859): How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation? http://tfl.nu/5k7a

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(662): View more from Mississippi

Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester

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(662): Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester http://tfl.nu/mao5

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(630): View more from Illinois

I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead

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(630): I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead http://tfl.nu/lnf3

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(303): View more from Colorado

I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.

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(303): I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes. http://tfl.nu/g3e8

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(336): View more from North Carolina

dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!

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(336): dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems! http://tfl.nu/qsei

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(612): View more from Minnesota

She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.

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(612): She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did. http://tfl.nu/uugg

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(518): View more from New York

I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..

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(518): I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls.. http://tfl.nu/o5go

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(240): View more from Maryland

She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths

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(240): She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths http://tfl.nu/lqw0

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(+81): View more from

Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.

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(+81): Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that. http://tfl.nu/zx1z

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