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I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
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