wakey wakey hands off snakey
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Blood and glitter go together right?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize