someone get that fucking seahorse.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
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I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
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Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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