I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
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He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
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Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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