3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I smell like Dick and happiness
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize