Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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