just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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