The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
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BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
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I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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