Texts From Last Night

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  (443): View more from Maryland

  her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.

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  (443): her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way. http://tfl.nu/3gxo
  Replies (5) Good night (565) Bad night (1638) Order T-Shirt
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.

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  (508): he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that. http://tfl.nu/38s6
  Replies (23) Good night (7188) Bad night (923) Order T-Shirt
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  (818): View more from California

  All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on

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  (818): All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on http://tfl.nu/912s
  Replies (10) Good night (3343) Bad night (1321) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues

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  (917): you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues http://tfl.nu/bwbh
  Replies (7) Good night (4527) Bad night (986) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.

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  (917): Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste. http://tfl.nu/mscz
  Replies (9) Good night (3392) Bad night (1578) Order T-Shirt
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.

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  (814): Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis. http://tfl.nu/uw51
  Replies (5) Good night (2065) Bad night (654) Order T-Shirt
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.

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  (570): That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga. http://tfl.nu/2c2v
  Replies (2) Good night (1451) Bad night (462) Order T-Shirt
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  (831): View more from California

  She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester

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  (831): She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester http://tfl.nu/csr6
  Replies (13) Good night (1511) Bad night (442) Order T-Shirt
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  I was tackling you out of excitement

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.

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  (316): I was tackling you out of excitement (918): Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall. http://tfl.nu/io5x
  Replies (3) Good night (1213) Bad night (487)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though

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  (614): Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though http://tfl.nu/2fqg
  Replies (6) Good night (1067) Bad night (383) Order T-Shirt
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  (310): View more from California

  I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.

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  (310): I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life. http://tfl.nu/lr0e
  Replies (7) Good night (475) Bad night (942) Order T-Shirt
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Not my cup of tea

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  (250): I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years. (250): Not my cup of tea http://tfl.nu/83fl
  Replies (5) Good night (1381) Bad night (701)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.

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  (501): He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit. http://tfl.nu/208i
  Replies (10) Good night (1384) Bad night (946) Order T-Shirt
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.

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  (207): I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron. http://tfl.nu/90fl
  Replies (9) Good night (1209) Bad night (308) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.

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  (518): The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid. http://tfl.nu/6fga
  Replies (7) Good night (580) Bad night (1040) Order T-Shirt

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