why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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