I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
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