pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
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Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
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How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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