wanna go halves on a baby?
there's paper in my vomit.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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