I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
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Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
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Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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