It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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