she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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