im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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