her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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