How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
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toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
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Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize