please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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