I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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