She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize