and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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