but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize