not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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