it was like his penis was on wheels.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize