So drunk its hurt
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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