I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got inside last night via doggy door
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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