He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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