Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize