i think my mom watched the whole time
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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