she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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