Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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