I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
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You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
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HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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