I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize