I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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