...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
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I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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