i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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