oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
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then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
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I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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