Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
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it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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