Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
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I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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