How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
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I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
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She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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