i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize