You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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