just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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