we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
she told me i tasted like america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize