I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize