my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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